On having a relapse
Yes, you’ve guessed it. As the title suggests, I appear to be having a relapse. It actually started about 3 weeks ago and I’ve held it together quite well since then. Symptoms have been a lot slower to come on so I’ve managed quite well. It started from the bottom up this time; feet first; although I have been a lot more steady than I was at Christmas.
I have seen my consultant who has arranged for another scan. It’s the first time he mentioned MS. He refused to entertain it before after I mentioned my concerns. He was convinced it was gonna be a one-off. After the scan, in about a month from now, I will know more.
I don’t want to be negative. Mostly I wanna just not think about it 24 hours a day so I haven’t told a lot of people. But this morning, I’m starting to lose my hands. They feel odd when I type, I’m starting to struggle to write neatly with a pen. I thought it had reached a plateau already but obviously not. Losing my hands will be the worst. If it gets really bad, I will have to call sick at work, I will have to stop driving and I will struggle with everything. Again.
So mostly this morning, I’m peed off about the fact that my scan is 3 weeks away with a further 2 weeks before I find out the result; and that I’m so tired I just want to go back to bed and at all the other inevitable complications that come with not being able to drive or work.
There are a lot more worries in my head but I will not say them out loud until I have the diagnosis that I’m dreading. There is still about 5% of me that hopes it’s some other freak infection.