Many have been asking on how I’m doing. Before I start, I’d like to just say: you all friggin’ rock! Every single one of you! Thanks for being so supportive, concerned and generally lovely. I effin’ love you! Right, that’s the soppiness done now, promise.
So how am I doing? Quite well actually. The endless tiredness, that total exhaustion at any time of day, it’s slowly going. In fact, more and more my days don’t need me to put my feet up anymore. I only get tingles after exercise or a dash to pick noodle up from school and I’m running late. [For those of you reading this for the first time here’s why]
I have decided to go ahead with another MRI in the summer. I really wasn’t sure for a long time. Being faced with a diagnosis of MS is bloody scary and I felt like sticking my head in the sand frankly. But there is a good chance that my scan shows nothing which would confirm my neurologists prediction of being a complete one-off.
This is obviously all fabulous and I really am positive and bloody happy about this prognosis.
Right now though, this is exactly what I find the most challenging. I’m not reminded every minute of every day to be glad I’m better and to take it easy. Instead I’m feeling down about how fat I’m feeling. Life is starting to catch up with me again and I feel a right moody cow. Truth is, it will take a long time to get fit again.
Once I actually find the willpower I will have to take so so slow. My body simply will not let me rush and I’ve promised myself no more diets. All of this is extremely difficult when in the past I’ve only ever achieved fitness and lost excess pounds by totally immersing myself in some kick-ass routine or diet. I can’t do that this time, I’m physically not able to and I have to be kind to myself. I have to do it the slow, sensible way.
I know this is better in the long run but I’m just crap at long-run stuff. Maybe it’s not even possible. Maybe I should just accept that in my mid 30’s there is going to be an amount of chubbiness? I’m not massive, far from it. I could do better but it’s hard to be good all the friggin’ time. Because actually, the other thing I have learned from all of this is that we have to live the life we have right now.
With the lighter evenings and even a bit of spring finally showing up, I have started to take time out to go for long walks, on my own, just with my camera. I’ve even been to the gym a couple of times and actually got quite into it. The cross-trainer is my friend because my feet stay fixed on the pedals, no tripping up and no tingles. I shall stick with that for now. I’m determined to get back to running. It’s the one thing I know how to do, it clears my head, it’s good for the soul but right now it will be the last thing to come back to me.
My goal is to take part in a race again. At some point.