It’s that time of year again when my social media feed fills up with friends complaining about colds and other winter bugs. After seeing another post about yet another mediocre ailment, I had to have a strong word with myself.
I was bitter, angry even, at my loved ones’ carefree, healthy lives only interrupted by a meaningless cold, a broken arm, or a bout of tonsillitis; all things that are horrible but they all have one simple issue in common: they get better. I felt a deep envy of how they would simply get back to their normal, wonderful lives afterwards. Unlike me, who must put up with this ever more disabling condition forever. Don’t get me wrong, of course, I would not wish it on anyone else, but I do wish it wasn’t me who had MS, and I do feel sorry for myself in those situations.
The power of self-compassion
But as I have come to learn, it is not such a terrible thing to really feel sorry for yourself once in a while. Truly feeling and acknowledging it also helps me process my feelings and thoughts, grieving for a life I once had. After all, it’s not completely farfetched; life with any chronic illness can be incredibly hard and for sure anything but carefree.
But festering anger, bitterness, jealousy, and an insatiable longing for a different life really isn’t going to help anyone, least of all me. It is stressful and miserable to have those poisonous thoughts. It will not improve my situation, not to mention the pressure it puts on the loved ones around me who often endure most of my misery.
So, when I’m having one of those days or weeks, it is important for me to remember that people often don’t share deeply personal negatives of their own lives. Their seemingly perfect lives are really often anything but. Everyone is fighting a battle of their own, and because they may not feel confident being open about it, those around them have no idea. I remind myself that I’m not the only one with problems and that life is not as carefree as it sounds from the outside.
Focusing on the positive
What’s more, by focusing on my shortcomings and comparing myself to others, I am missing all the good stuff in my life. So I shift my focus and remind myself of the things that are working out for me. I am a strong believer that every cloud really does have a silver lining. If there is a positive in a negative situation, I can see it, and I like to try and focus on it.
Through my condition, I have learned a lot about myself. I make more effort to look after my body, and I have found compassion. I have met a whole new group of friends whom I can relate to on a completely new level. No longer do I put off anything I enjoy to a time when I’m fitter, thinner, have more time or something else is more perfect. I make time for the things that I love today, because I know tomorrow could be very different.
Stepping away from envy
When I get envious of others, I step away from social media and focus on the positives in my life. I have stopped being so hard on myself and others around me. No longer will I allow myself to feel bitter, and with practice, this is becoming easier.
I have gained a new compassion for others who may have problems and heartache I know nothing about, but most of all I have compassion for myself.
4 comments
What a truly, touching, honest article Kat. You should be proud of yourself. Xx
Thank you so much Jean! Written from my heart ❤️
I’ve actually become a more positive person since my diagnosis 20 years ago, for many of the reasons you give here. My latest blog post shares some similarities with the piece, in fact (ballstoms.com).
Thanks Andy! I’m not sure I’m a more positive person since diagnosis, but I’ve always liked to see the silver lining in bad things, that certainly helps!