No news is good news

7th July 2018
Flaxfield in brighton life on a seesaw blog

It has been absolute ages since I last wrote. I’ll be honest. It’s not that I forgot. It’s not that I have nothing to write about. I’m in a funny place right now, blogging-wise. There are two reasons.

I’m feeling really well

My therapy has well and truly kicked in so instead of getting worse, it’s giving my body the break that it needs to recover. And boy, am I doing that! I don’t wanna count my chickens. I know only too well that tomorrow it could all come crashing down again.

So, as per my motto for this year, I’m trying to seize every good day. A huge part of that is also not thinking about my condition at every waking moment, and feeling pretty normal. It was my 2-year diagnosis anniversary a couple of days ago, easy to remember as it’s only a day before our wedding anniversary; well I completely and utterly forgot!! To me this is fantastic. It means my live is resembling some sort of normality and I can, for now at least, just get on with living it.

I recently joined a local adult street dance class. I have been going to the gym, on and off, also tried the odd run which still feels so alien. So I thought, I’d give this a go. I did a street dance class a long time ago, before Noodle was born. I was never very good at it, quite hilarious and not β€˜street’ at all, BUT I loved it. It was the best fun!

The first lesson, like my running attempts, felt so alien. The short aerobic warm-up was a shock to the system to begin with and doubt entered my head. As the class finished, I was so divided over it. I loved the music, the positive interaction that happens in a dance class, the excitement of feeling like the old me, something I’ve spent so long mourning. But, I was scared. Scared of not being able to do the jumpy, light-footed moves, looking like an idiot, injuring myself because I’m so much heavier on my feet these days.

I decided to sleep on it and there was a voice deep down telling me I that sometimes you just need to do something terrifying and put yourself out there. Well, it paid off big time! Not only is it heaps of fun, which would be good enough on its own. Being able to remember the routine, finding my own way to do some of the tricky, jumpy moves, really noticing an improvement in my fitness level. But the biggest benefit and surprise is the improvement I’m noticing cognitively. My brain is making all the connections again because of the quick movements of a routine to remember. Thinking about it now, it makes complete sense but I did not expect it. I feel so proud of myself, that I challenged myself despite the doubts, and so lucky that I am physically able to actually do it.

Giving up the blog

When I started to write this post, this second part was gonna be about me thinking of stopping this whole blog. I don’t have a lot of time to work on it and grow it. I’m always wondering really how interesting it could possibly be to anyone reading especially in the huge ocean of other blogs. And I often worry about the aspect of oversharing our lives and the apparent vanity of it all.

I’ve been pondering all of this over the past few months and I thought about just giving it up.
Until I start writing again. Even just writing this post makes me realise that I love writing. It makes me realise that I don’t care how β€˜successful’ this blog is or isn’t.

It’s not about that, it’s about celebrating my little achievements, venting about difficult things, recording memories as a family, being in a really supportive community of others who blog about the same kind of things. It’s my little space and it’s really important that I focus on that and don’t get carried along with trying to keep up with others who are taking it a whole lot more serious.

So, my dear friends, I’m not going anywhere. Bye for now. Thanks so much for reading, as always. K

Kat x

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  • Reply Caz / InvisiblyMe 8th July 2018 at 10:34

    It’s wonderful to hear some positives for you at the moment, and the street dance class sounds amazing! I’d actually love to do something like that myself, though whether I’d have the energy to do it for longer than 5 minutes, who knows. You got out of your comfort zone and proved you could do it and had fun, which is a huge achievement. I’d also say please don’t give up your blog, not unless it’s the right thing for you (ie. having the blog is causing too much stress and you honestly don’t want to have it any more). Don’t worry about posting or not posting regularly, or how popular or not you think it is. It does reach people (like meeeee!) and it’s another achievement for you to be proud of while giving you a space to write, something that’s totally your own. Glad you’re keeping to it. Take care and have a positive week ahead πŸ™‚
    Caz xx

    • Reply Kat 8th July 2018 at 10:45

      Thanks Caz! That means so much to me and that is the reason why I know I should keep going
      Wishing you a good week too! Hope we manage to stay cool

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